no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize