Jerry, you need to find god
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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