my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
well I can't set my house on fire every night
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
