it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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