ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
