I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
