I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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