Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
