you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
