i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize