Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
