don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
