i need an iv and a liver transplant
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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