i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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