Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
