The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
