do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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