Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize