Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
