is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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