My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
