I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
