Umm I'm too high to move.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
