omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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