i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
