Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
