I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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