I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
