I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
