Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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