her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Drunk is not a location!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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