:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
