someone threw a dead crab at me
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We got so high we made milksteak
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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