Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
