and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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