I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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