Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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