I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
