I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
try to milk me bitch
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
