We're like a lot better than the average bears
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
