I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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