i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
