I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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