i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
