every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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