so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
