I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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