I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm going to jail i love you
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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