So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
