i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
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