Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(843): View more from South Carolina

so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger

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(540): View more from Virginia

Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.

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(716): View more from New York

Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting

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(360): View more from Washington

Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.

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(212): View more from New York

all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON

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(480): View more from Arizona

It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink

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(712): View more from Iowa

Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are

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