matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
