Someone shit on the floor
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
