break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
