So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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