This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
