Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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