TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
