I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
