Where is the hickey?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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