You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
