It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Four minutes until I can fart!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
