At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
