Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize