So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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