I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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