Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
