your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Pants are for mortals
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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